Letting go of fear
May 26, 2021
This is not a new painting but one that is near and dear to my heart because of the inspiration I took from this work. I guess every now and then... life reminds me... as is the case with many of us... about the message or messages relating to... fear... or how we perceive... fear…
I created this painting a couple of years ago just before I was about to go on a second date with a man whom I had met just a week earlier… and I liked him… a lot. For some reason... he was unlike any other man I had met before and I was kind of... over the moon... knowing we were getting together again.
Interestingly... as I was preparing for our date... you know the usual girl stuff... make up... hair etc... I started feeling anxious… what in the world? I was like the Rock of Gibraltar my entire life... nerves of steel... and here I was with what seemed to be... a schoolgirl crush... and while I was almost euphoric about our date... I was so off kilter... so to speak... how could that be?
Fast forward to last week and why I am writing about this painting. I found myself in that uncomfortable place once again. A major life change is on the very near horizon for me (more on this later) and this life change is not being sprung upon me out of the blue... I am prepared for this new path in my life that has been launched my way... so this is no surprise.
In fact... for many months now... I even joked with several of my colleagues... never really expecting this could happen... about all those “what if” scenarios about new possibilities... albeit a bit anxiety provoking. It was a lot of fun to contemplate these possibilities of a new life... whether I chose this new life or if this new life chose me... and it was even fun to indulge in silly scenarios of what my new future was going to be like. Then much to my surprise... I began the other day with knots in my stomach... serious knots in my stomach... you know the kind that almost puts you in a seemingly neve- ending panic.
And that brings me back to the creation of this abstract. As I dove into the creative process, my mind cleared. I realized that the uneasy feeling was not a reflection of the external circumstance. It had nothing to do with the man I was about to meet... or the place of the meeting... or anything tangible or real. Instead, this uneasiness was born out of the simple craziness circling in my brain... that I had related to the past situations in my life... that had terrible consequences. So I guess this was simply my brain trying to warn me to be careful, to be safe, to be cautious…
Seeing that the uneasy feeling was created by the reptile brain trying to keep me safe, ironically, worked like a magic wand... and the fear disappeared like a ghost. I could be free to embark upon my new great adventure with a new love of my life who is my now fiancé… and the same thing happened last week with this new life change about to happen... and so now I look forward to the opportunity to go into the unknown and enjoy this new adventure to see what life has in store for me.
Coincidently, someone pointed out to me that there is a ghost in this painting titled “Letting Go of Fear” too… so I call it the ghost of fear… let me know if you see it… it is being “let go”.
Any changes coming your way these days? Looking forward to hearing what is happening in your life…